I got “started on” Last Night


I got a speeding ticket coming back from Wales last week

Got a “producer”


As per

i leave it till the very last-minute to get all the documents together

I’m pulling up outside the station and I realise that I have forgotten the slip the traffic cop gave me to “Produce”

I drive home and leilla ran out with the ticket and a smile that said “You’re a tripper Mike, aren’t you?”

She also gave me Amanda’s winning Grand National slip so that i could pick up her winnings

so i whip back through Dids and parked the car up while i ran in the bookies and picked up £14.50 tooo raaaaaaas

Coming out of the bookie i see this guy caving  a KFC into his face like a wild pig

When he finished

He just took his KFC bones and skin and gristle and paper and box

and just pings it on the road by the car


I was in a bad mood already because i have had a load of teeth out and can’t eat properly

and because I have had to double back to do me producer

but when I saw this beast of bloke acting like an animal

I had to say something

“He are mate, what you doing pinging your shit on the road?”

The guy turns into the incredible hulk and starts bellowing at me with bits of KFC in his teeth and spraying out like the cookie monster turned bad

“I didn’t touch your fuckin’ car, did I?” he said walking towards me with clenched fist

He are, i thought.  It’s going to kick off here.


I stood me ground thinking, this guy is ready to kick off here over a KFC. And a few questions ran through my mind

Do i want to get into fight over a KFC

Do i want a slap in me choppers that are sensitive as a Cyrano De Bergeracs love poems

Do i want to be rolling around the streets of Dids being sprayed with KFC remains

But at the same time i was annoyed that this guy was being aggressive and throwing his shit around and i just wasn’t having it

“He are mate, I’m not arsed about me car” I said clenching my fists and opening me shoulders

“Are you the fuckin police?” he said whilst finishing his battery chicken but still spitting

“No I’m not” I said

“So what’s the fuckin’ problem” He said with a seriously confused face

“Your shitting on me city mate”

He face changed from aggressive to confused and said “You what?”

“Your turning me city into a shit hole by dumping your shit on me streets.  Find a Fuckin’ bin”

Now, the look on this guys face was confusion mixed with sorrow.  I felt sorry for him for a split second as he stared me in the face like a chastised child.


He simply walked over to his KFC bones and skin and gristle and paper and box

Picked it all up and walked away with his tail between his legs.

Forgot to say, He had a cockney accent.


One thought on “I got “started on” Last Night

  1. Mike, I like this way of writing a lot – merging a blog that might be prose with a poem works a treat.
    Are these blogs in ‘God is a Manc’ ? cos they should be in a book.
    My view of Manchester and how to push for reform is a different route to yours – I’ll say!
    I believe in slagging the city off to the world! I despise what it’s become. So a bit of a difference there!
    One of my ideas for protest is ‘litter terorism’, where big dustcarts are stolen at midnight and their contents vomited all along the city streets – my god, the opposite of your sentiments in the above piece! But:
    But, when all the protests were over, I believe, if we could envision our ideal Manchester and town-plan it, your city would be very similar to mine. I suspect we’re both on the right side of Tony Wilson – the left side, I mean.

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