Match of the Day

I’m probably the greatest footballer you’ve (n)ever met

Better than Pele, Cruff, Maradona, Beckham, Ralf Milne and George Berry all put together

Brazil wanted to sign me.  Holland wanted to sign me. Argentina wanted to sign me but me Mam said “stick with the paper round, son”

And she was right really – think about it, it was the 80’s

Perms, tashes, shell suits and really tight shorts – Not my bag man

So I played Amateur for years – If i’d have packed it in completely, i’d have been depriving the British public of watching a sporting genius at work

But, I always wanted to be on Match of the Day

It was and still is the best programme on tele

Old Gaz with his gags and puns and sincere face when needed. and hasn’t the boy aged well? I just wish Roy Keane was a pundit,  instead of on ITV.

Goal of the Month. Remember save of the season?  I love the music.

I used to stand behind the goal in North Stand at City, in my anorak with our Hughie and we’d know if it was on match of the day cos you’d see the cameras.

When there was an attack, I’d jump up and wave like a looney just so as I could be on MOTD. But I never was.

We had to stop going in the North stand though.  Not just because we were reds, we’d go city one week united the next, regardless.  It was because of Helen and that Bloody Bell she used to ring – i still think of her when my tinnitus is bad.

Same at old trafford – I’d stand on the tops of the Cages I was encaged in (joke really, when you think about it) and I’d wave like a windmill, Mick Channon style…. just so as we could be on MOTD.

And i’d sit there on the Saturday night – staring at Jimmy Hills chin waiting to be on TV, in my anorak.  But i was never on.

Years went by, I had to resort to playing Fatboy Baldy football.  Or, you might know it as 5 a side.But i always wanted to be on MOTD.

I must admit, I gave up all hope.  My right knee was wrecked and like Gorgeous Gaz’s big toe, it ended my career. I’d never be on MOTD!

Depression did set in, I must admit but it’s not uncommon.  it happens to loads of sporting geniuses when they finish.  Look at Best, Tony Adams, David Icke.  You’ve gotta find something you enjoy doing and keeps your mind off the game.

So, I decided to take up poetry.

I was lay baking on a beach in Africa last week and My phone rang.

“Hello.  is that Mike Garry?  This is Mr Match of the Day and we want you to write a poem about The FA Cup game between Salford and Hartlepool”

“Yes this is Mike Garry and Yes I will write that poem.  But can I have a bit of a game?  I’ll just come as sub in the 94th minute”

“No.  But i’ll get one of your favourite singers from one of your favourite bands to read the poem on MATCH OF THE DAY.”

“WHO?” I said excitedly

“Tim Burgess of the Charlatans”

“Beautiful Friend – One of my all time favourite tunes of all time.  12 studio albums spanning 25 years – quality single after quality single, everyone one of them weaving a seamless sound rhythm and dance and lyric. A musical diary of my adulthood.

Yes i’ll do it Mr Match of the Day”

So, I did it – And Tim’s reading it tonight on MATCH OF THE DAY – on BBC1 – 7.30 -.

and I’m wearing my anorak

( And i’ll post the poem on here after it’s been broadcast )

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